During the summer, my dad gave me some money that my mom "would have wanted me to have" after she died. I knew immediately what to do with some of it: It would be my last Christmas present from my mom. So around Thanksgiving, I bought the wide angle lens I'd been wanting for a long time but couldn't afford on my teacher's salary, wrapped it, and placed it in a gift bag my mom gave me last Christmas. I wasn't around on Christmas and didn't put up a tree or any other decorations because I just didn't feel up to it. A few days after Christmas, I was still waiting for the right time to open it.
When this morning's colorful sunrise interrupted a long string of gray days, I knew the time was right. I opened the present with the excitement of a child and then ran outside to use it right away and send a big thank-you into the beautiful sky.
The idea of buying a lens "from my mom" came from a dream I had of my grandmother after she died less than four years prior. My grandmother came to me in a dream and seemed excited because she wanted to give me one last gift. I recently had been given some money from the sale of her house and woke up from the dream knowing what to do with it: I used it to buy my first "real" camera. It was probably the most important purchase I ever made because nature photography - and sharing it online - has completely transformed my life and given me a renewed sense of purpose.
And speaking of dreams...
On Christmas morning, I dreamed - twice - that my mom was picking up the phone to call me. After waking up from the dream fragment the second time, I decided to meditate. When I did, I heard my mom's voice telling me to call a certain relative. I resolved to make the call a little later, only to hear my mom's voice once again, saying, "NOW." So I did. The person seemed very depressed, and I am so glad that I called when I did and passed along the story of how I ended up calling sooner rather than later. We talked about how my mom seems to communicate with us through one another.
So it seems I received two Christmas gifts from her this year. One was planned, and the other was a surprise to be shared.
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